While I’m not at a place where everything is falling apart and my dreams are being pulled out from under me, I do feel like I’m in a season of waiting.  I’m waiting for clarity.  I’m waiting for direction.  I’m waiting for confirmation.  Before I left the States a dear friend told me that two artists that needed to go with me were Brooke Fraser and Phil Wickham.  I have since agreed 100%.  For the past few days it has been Phil that has been encouraging my heart.  His song “Safe” is the one that I’ve found myself repeating over andover again.  It’s catchy, maybe, but perhaps the Spirit is reminding me of Truth.  I’m prone to fear – this isn’t new.  I tend to fear the things that I don’t want… and the things that I do.  It has been an area of my life that the Father has used to create in me a deeper dependance on Him… but then again sometimes it doesn’t hurt to be reminded that I’m safe in His arms.   

“You will be Safe in His arms, You will be Safe in His arms.  ‘Cause the hands that whole the world are holding your heart.  This is the promise He made, He will be with you always….”

Please pray for these children and other like them; that they might know the love of the Father. Thanks!

If I were to be completely honest I would have to confess that my speaking skills have always been a source of insecurity for me.  One on one, I may do okay, but put me in front of more than two people and I feel as though I stumble over my words and don’t make sense.  Without fail I’ll almost always look back on a conversation and think about how I could have spoken clearer or said something different.  I usually wish that my mouth was a manuscript that I could go back and edit.  Although I in no way consider myself comparable to the leaders that Moses or Paul were, they are two men of the Bible who have openly confessed that they were not eloquent speakers and looking at their lives it gives me great hope and encouragement that God might use me as a vessel for Him, His work and His glory. 

Tonight my team and I had dinner with dear friends we met in November.  They asked each of us to share how we ended up in Guatemala.  As usual I ended thinking “that was awful…. I should have mentioned ____…. why did I say it that way?” and more, but as I fell asleep tonight (and then woke up at 1:30a – which is when I really started thinking about it) I started dwelling on what God did to change my heart toward moving here and how he relieved so many of my fears beforehand.  It was His timing that brought me here for the first time in 2008.  It was His hand that led the people and opportunities for the confirmation that I asked Him to use to confirm that it was Him who was calling me to move to Guatemala. It was His Spirit that pointed to an ant while I was here in 2009 and reminded me that He takes care of the ant and directs its steps, how much more does He love me, will guide me, protect me, and provide all that I need as I seek to please Him.  While I may not be 100% of what the future holds, there is one thing that I can be certain of… My heavenly Father will hold true to His promises and will take care of His children.  For this I am thankful.

So just like most Tuesday mornings I headed out to Fundaninos today.  After spending a little time with some of the kids (and finding myself excited that my spanish is getting better and I can have more of an actual conversation!) I found myself down in the school helping some of the teachers set up their classrooms and get curriculum together.  Unlike the States, Guatemala’s school year runs January to October. It’s funny, I didn’t think that I would miss setting up a classroom, but there was something familiar about it and it was a sweet reminder of home.  I knew in 2008 when I was first praying about moving down here that God had placed me as a preschool teacher at Denton Christian Preschool working to educate at-risk children and teaching would help to prepare me for my season in Guatemala.  I can look back and say ”yes, teaching did in fact help prepare me” but I’m always amazed when I see new ways that God has prepared each of us for our time here.  Today I was excited and encouraged to be able to share some of the wisdom I gained from long time teachers that poured into me, sharing ideas, thoughts, curriculum and having encouraging conversation in the process. 

Thankful for today! May the Lord be known and made great in Guatemala.

The other day as I was driving to Fundaninos I caught myself thinking about other children in other parts of Guatemala; those that aren’t being loved or cared for, those that are striving for their basic needs.  My heart broke for them and while I know that I could never meet all the needs for all the children of Guatemala, my prayer is that God will allow me to take part in meeting some of the needs of some of the children here.  I have no idea what that looks like in the future, but for now I will be where I am and do what I have been asked to do.  I will love.  I will pray.  I will teach.  I will hug, wipe tears, rock to sleep, help make lunch, push a swing, help with homework, brush the hair on little heads, wipe runny noses, and so much more.  Perhaps one day there will be more, there will be others, be it here or somewhere else I do not know yet.  I just pray that regardless the Father will lead and guide me to where I’m suppose to be,  that I will be obedient to His voice and go where His calls.       

I knew a long time ago that anytime I was asked to teach it was an opportunity for me to be stretched.  Come to find out this season lasts a lot long than I had planned…but it’s in His perfect timing. It started a few years ago when shortly after joining the preschool staff at The Village, my boss (and friend) Charissa came up to me and said that she wanted me to be added to the teaching rotation because she thought it would be good for me and that I would be in ministry long enough that I would need to know how to teach.  I reluctantly agreed after a year or so and learning a ton, I thought I was done.

Then about 2.5 years ago, when I was starting to feel called to move to Guatemala, I was offered a teaching position at a preschool and felt like the Spirit told me that it would prepare me for Guatemala.  Over the 2 years that I worked there, there were good days and days I was certain that I was such a horrible teacher that I was surprised I wasn’t fired on the spot.  Once again the Lord knew how to prepare me and I did in fact learn a lot and it did help to prepare me in many ways for my time here in Guatemala. 

Of course even in moving here I thought I had learned what I needed to learn, but at last I was wrong.  I have found myself once again in situations where I have needed to teach and while I continue to learn a lot through it, it is still stretching me.  It really makes me wonder what my future holds, but for now that’s not mine to know.  I’ll have to confess that there have been days where my attitude has been better than others.  My prayer as of lately has been that God would grant me joy in teaching always.  Today I took joy in teaching.  Casa de Libertad is in the middle of a Daniel Fast – 21 days of seeking the Lord – and so we talked about prayer.  I really do want these kids to know that God wants to talk with them and that they can talk to God about any and everything.  I don’t know all of their stories, but I do know a few and many of them have already had harder lives than I can imagine.  I can’t relate to their problems, only God can. 

Often the director’s of Fundaninos will bring several of the kids from Fundaninos to Casa de Libertad and I’ll get to have a mixture of kids from the church, some wealthy, others not; most cared well for and others with a history of abuse.  Prayer is something that everyone needs to know.  It made teaching a little easier.  We talked about the Lord’s Prayer and after discussing many ways of praying; I give everyone a piece of paper and asked them to write a letter to God.  It was interesting to watch.  Some of the kids immediately started writing and knew exactly what they wanted to tell God, others took their time to think about it.  Some proudly showed me theirs when they finished, others tucked it away so that no one could see it.  I’ll have to admit I’ve been really curious as to what they wrote, but I didn’t ask to see any of the letters.  I want them to know that they can have a personal relationship with God and that no one is going to be looking over their shoulder to make sure that they are praying the right prayer.  It’s personal.  It’s intimate. 

My prayer for these children both those from Fundaninos and those from the families at Casa de Libertad, is that they would KNOW God and have deep, personal, intimate relationships with Him.