If I wonder why something trying is allowed, and press for prayer that it may be removed; if I cannot be trusted with any disappointment, and cannot go on in peace under any mystery, then I know nothing of Calvary love.   –Amy Carmichael

For years I have enjoyed the writings of Amy Carmichael – a missionary, a woman, a Christ-follower, who gave of herself often and suffered great trials.  While I have not experienced the struggles she faced, her words have often convicted me to check my heart to see if I truly know God’s loving-sacrifice in Christ.  More times than not, she has reminded me that even trials and struggles in the mysteries of the unknown will of the Father is just another aspect of His love and mercy to His children and for His glory.

So it is with a heavy heart, trusting in the loving-goodness of my dear Savior, that I write to tell you that I will not be returning to Guatemala as soon as I had once hoped.  I am sure that there are many questions of why I would not return to a place that is so close to my heart, my home.  The simplest answer is that those whose counsel I have submitted to under Christ have identified areas where I have room for continued growth and they believe that the States would be the best place for that growth to happen at this time.  It is not because of obvious sin, simply room for growth to be more effective as a minister of reconciliation.  I am aware of the areas which have been addressed and have been actively pursuing the Lord in those areas for some time.  It is in obedience to their counsel and the leadership that the Lord has placed in my life that I am now in the process of transitioning my life back to the States for the next season.  I do hope and pray that the Lord would open the door in the future for me to return to Guatemala, but at this point the timing of that is unknown.  What I do know is this: He is faithful and just and though I do not understand fully, I trust that this is part of His good and perfect plan to continue to shape me into the image of Christ and to bring glory to His name.  Much like Amy Carmichael wrote, my hope is that in following my Savior through disappointment and into peace I might know more of the love and grace shed on the Cross and that He might be praised for it.

To say thank you for the countless prayers, financial support to GCM, and the encouragement you have each given over the past few years seems to fail in communicating how grateful I truly am.  You have been a blessing and have been used by God to advance the kingdom in many ways.  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

At this time, my plan is to leave staff with Great Commission Ministries on October 31, 2011, at which point the account I am responsible for will be closed.  Any gifts given towards my next season in Guatemala will be used for the purposes of returning to Guatemala to say my good-byes and move my belongings back to the States.  What happens after that is still in the process of being worked out, however, I am actively looking for a full-time job and seeking the Lord as to where I should go and what I should do.  Your continued prayers in this transition are greatly appreciated.   Please pray also that the Lord would grant peace and continue to place people around me to walk with during this time, that He would provide healing for my heart, continued growth, and that He would guide and direct me as I rebuild my life in the States.  Thank you so much for your prayers, support, and friendship!  This is a journey which would have been impossible without you and without the Lord’s continued guidance.