I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation (trouble, suffering, hardship, affliction) . But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

There are times in this life when things don’t make sense.  It often seems as though we are waiting and waiting with no answers or the answers we get do not seem to be right.  When everything appears to be in chaos we must cling to the truth that God is good, even when it doesn’t seem like the things that He allows are good; God is wise, He alone knows what is best; God is loving, even when it doesn’t seem as though the things that He allows are loving; God is generous, even when it seems as though He is so far away.  I’m grateful for the time that God has allowed me to teach children, because so often (ok, ok…. daily) He uses the very things I have been taught and teach to teach me. 

God is good. God is in charge of everything.  God wants to talk to us.  God made everything.  Jesus came to save sinners. 

I’ve always been around, seen or known of things that don’t make sense to me most of my life and now even more so in Guatemala.  Things that we can often easily thrown back to God as examples of times that He seems unloving or evil. 

Truth is it in because of sin.  We live in a fallen world with broken people.  Things aren’t as they are supposed to be.  One of my favorite songs says “If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I was not made for here.” It’s true we weren’t made for this.  We were made to worship a loving, good, faithful, almighty Creator in a world that seeks to bring Him the praise and honor that are rightfully His…. but that’s not where we live now.  It makes me long for heaven… for Jesus to come quickly.  My heart is heavy, aching and longing, but I trust the Person of God.  I know His character and I must cling to His promises.  I must “take heart,” an encouragement to be brave, have courage, press on, not to lose hope… why? Because Christ has overcome the world – He paid the price on the cross.  He overcame the grave.  He has taken back the keys of death and stands in victory. 

So when all seems lost and we don’t know where to go or what to do… we must cling to the promise that God has not left us on our own but is walking right beside us.  I must preach the gospel to myself daily to remember this. 

The Village Church sent a team of pastors, a worship leader and a counselor to Guatemala February 19-25.  It was great to see old friends and be loved on and cared for.  They took us to Panajachel on Lake Atitlan about 3 hours from our home in Guatemala City. It truly was a great blessing to be able to be shepharded by dear friends and pastors and to be given a few days of rest and sabbath. 

If you would like to see some pictures from our time together you can find them here -

So this morning Alisha and I headed to Fundaninos, unsure of what we might find when we got there. We were coming in the morning, and normally the kids have school, but were told that today the Peques didn’t because their teacher was sick.  Pulling up there wasn’t a soul in sight so we headed out to find the fun-troublesome Peques.  Before we got too far, Roberto pushed up a door and in the quietest voice I’ve ever heard come out of his mouth, I heard “Hannah!”  Which as usual led to “Hannah Montana” and lots of giggles…. Some days I wish she didn’t exist, other days it helps people figure out my name… win win? sure… Anyway… It was fun to be greeted in such a fun and goofy way.  After finding out that Rebekah, the teacher, was indeed enferma, and Roberto and Juan were doing ”Nada” Roberto told me that the rest of the Peques were in the house.  So we headed over to the house to find the girl that normally works with just the babies having fun with a fully house of babies, Peques and Pequas.  Sometimes, I wonder how they do it!

Immediately Chino and Victor wanted to swing and before I knew it I was pushing 6 swings…. as much fun as it is, I decided that it was time for a little structure (teacher in coming out, perhaps?). Well, I tried to think of what activities I knew that I could figure out and explain with as few supplies as possible and in the words I actually remembered in Spanish (I’d be embarrassed if anyone actually listened in on some of the round about ways I say things sometimes!).  So I thought “I know! Duck Duck Goose… oh wait I don’t remember those words… ummm what animal chases another????  Yes! A dog chases a cat!” (I might also be embarrassed if anyone listened to my ADD mind…) So Gato, Gato, Perro was born.  At first the kids weren’t so sure about it, but before long they were having fun, taking turns, and laughing so hard!  That is until Danny tripped and busted his lip, but that’s nothing that a few hugs and rinsing his mouth out with cool water didn’t fix.  The worker seemed to the happy for the break from ALL the kids, the kids seemed to be having fun with the game and I was excited that I was able to successfully communicate what game we were playing and how to play.  All in all, a fun morning!

I’ve been praying about what it would look like for me to stay in Guatemala for another season (or to return home to Texas), and while I’m still not 100% confident in saying what the future holds, I can’t help but think about the stories of the children I get to be around.  God has protected so many children here, allowing abuse to only go so far.  He has kept careful watch over them, keeping evil people from continuing to hurt them and a corrupt government from sending them back home.  And for those that do get sent somewhere else, I have to trust that either God is sending them to a better place or He will continue to protect them.  When things don’t make sense to me, I have to remind myself that as much as I have grown to love these children, God loves them more.

As I have prayed I have come to realize that regardless of where I end up, I’ll likely continue working with the same type of children.  The abused, neglected, forgotten or abandoned.  When I first started really seeking about the Lord and asking for His direction on my life, I almost immediately realized that I wanted to work with foster kids and/or orphanages.  What sophomore college student thinks that living or working in an orphanage would be the coolest thing ever, I don’t know, except to know that God is faithful and stirs our hearts for the things that He has in store for us.  I remember reading a book a few years ago called “The Missionary Call.”  In the book the author tells the story of a father who buys a blue bike for his son’s birthday (of which the son didn’t particularly want).  The father picked out the bike months before the son’s birthday and after getting it, he slowly began to leave hints and encouraged his son towards wanting a bike… but not just any bike, it had to be the blue bike.  After months of little hints and encouragement from the father, the day of the son’s birthday came around and the absolute only thing he wanted was the blue bike.  The author’s point was that, God, our Father, has already planned what He has in store for us and throughout our lives and in our walk with Him, He is slowing molding us into the image of His Son and stirring in us the desires He has for us until it’s time.  Then He reveals the plans He has had in store.  I realize that that might not be the deepest form of theology, but I can say that I can look back over the years and see how God has used countless people, situations, and opportunities to prepare me for the season that I am in now.  And truth be told, I’m certain that the experiences I am walking in now, will be used in the future.  All of the Christian life is one of ongoing sanctification.  We’re constantly being cut, carved and molded into the image of Christ.  I’m so grateful for His grace to change me and the lives of those around me.

And as I continue to pray about and ask God for guidance as to what the future may hold, I will treasure ever moment I have here (even on the hard days) and trust that my Father in heaven knows what is best.  He is wise, good, loving, and generous.  He will continue to guide and direct just as any good loving faithful father does.

When I moved to Guatemala, I had ideas as to what I would get to be a part of here, but I never fully knew what it would look like.  I didn’t know who I would be meeting or the tasks that I would be asked to do.  In some ways I thought I would be doing something very different from what I have been asked to do, but regardless I am daily learning of God’s faithfulness and how even in the moments that I feel alone, He is right here with me.  God has prepared in advance everything that I would be doing here in Guatemala.  About a month and a half ago I was asked to take over the operational aspects of Blast (which is basically overseeing the ministries for children birth to 16 yrs at the church).  It has stretched me a lot and there’s no way I could do it without the help of so many here helping with everything from teaching to translating so I could teach to translating curriculum (or emails) and calling volunteers.  There are so many things that I take for granted and simply cannot do on my own here yet.   

This weekend we are launching Gravedad Cero – which is the student ministry here, thanks to the help of Alisha, my sweet teammate.  Her experience with students has been so valuable.  And thanks to my dear friend here, Regis, we are launching a baby room for infants and toddlers.

While I’m not 100% sure what the future holds, I am confident that God has already planned and prepared those things as well.

I’ve been reading a lot about humility and serving others, as well as those books that if you knew how much it would cut you to the heart and convict, you might not have started reading it.  It really has been a good season for me.  I have been able to identify the lies that my flesh or satan whisper in my ear from time to time.  It has been really nice to see growth in that area, of course identifying the whisper as a lie doesn’t always keep be from wanting to believe it, but I know Truth and I’m grateful that it so often Truth brings freedom.  Andrew Murray and Amy Carmichael have been my two fav’s over the past few weeks.  I would recommend both of them if you are looking for someone to read.

If I put my own happiness before the well-being of the work entrusted to me;

if, though I have this ministry and have received much mercy, I faint, 

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If by doing some work which the undiscerning consider “not spiritual work” I can best help others, 

and inwardly I rebel, thinking it is the spiritual for which I crave, when in truth is it the interesting and exciting, 

then I know nothing of Calvary love. 

If something I am asked to do for another feels burdensome; 

if, yielding to an inward unwillingness, I avoid doing it, 

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the praise of man elates me and his blame depresses me; 

if I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; 

if I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve. 

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

 - Amy Carmichael- 

While I’m not at a place where everything is falling apart and my dreams are being pulled out from under me, I do feel like I’m in a season of waiting.  I’m waiting for clarity.  I’m waiting for direction.  I’m waiting for confirmation.  Before I left the States a dear friend told me that two artists that needed to go with me were Brooke Fraser and Phil Wickham.  I have since agreed 100%.  For the past few days it has been Phil that has been encouraging my heart.  His song “Safe” is the one that I’ve found myself repeating over andover again.  It’s catchy, maybe, but perhaps the Spirit is reminding me of Truth.  I’m prone to fear – this isn’t new.  I tend to fear the things that I don’t want… and the things that I do.  It has been an area of my life that the Father has used to create in me a deeper dependance on Him… but then again sometimes it doesn’t hurt to be reminded that I’m safe in His arms.   

“You will be Safe in His arms, You will be Safe in His arms.  ‘Cause the hands that whole the world are holding your heart.  This is the promise He made, He will be with you always….”

Please pray for these children and other like them; that they might know the love of the Father. Thanks!

If I were to be completely honest I would have to confess that my speaking skills have always been a source of insecurity for me.  One on one, I may do okay, but put me in front of more than two people and I feel as though I stumble over my words and don’t make sense.  Without fail I’ll almost always look back on a conversation and think about how I could have spoken clearer or said something different.  I usually wish that my mouth was a manuscript that I could go back and edit.  Although I in no way consider myself comparable to the leaders that Moses or Paul were, they are two men of the Bible who have openly confessed that they were not eloquent speakers and looking at their lives it gives me great hope and encouragement that God might use me as a vessel for Him, His work and His glory. 

Tonight my team and I had dinner with dear friends we met in November.  They asked each of us to share how we ended up in Guatemala.  As usual I ended thinking “that was awful…. I should have mentioned ____…. why did I say it that way?” and more, but as I fell asleep tonight (and then woke up at 1:30a – which is when I really started thinking about it) I started dwelling on what God did to change my heart toward moving here and how he relieved so many of my fears beforehand.  It was His timing that brought me here for the first time in 2008.  It was His hand that led the people and opportunities for the confirmation that I asked Him to use to confirm that it was Him who was calling me to move to Guatemala. It was His Spirit that pointed to an ant while I was here in 2009 and reminded me that He takes care of the ant and directs its steps, how much more does He love me, will guide me, protect me, and provide all that I need as I seek to please Him.  While I may not be 100% of what the future holds, there is one thing that I can be certain of… My heavenly Father will hold true to His promises and will take care of His children.  For this I am thankful.

So just like most Tuesday mornings I headed out to Fundaninos today.  After spending a little time with some of the kids (and finding myself excited that my spanish is getting better and I can have more of an actual conversation!) I found myself down in the school helping some of the teachers set up their classrooms and get curriculum together.  Unlike the States, Guatemala’s school year runs January to October. It’s funny, I didn’t think that I would miss setting up a classroom, but there was something familiar about it and it was a sweet reminder of home.  I knew in 2008 when I was first praying about moving down here that God had placed me as a preschool teacher at Denton Christian Preschool working to educate at-risk children and teaching would help to prepare me for my season in Guatemala.  I can look back and say ”yes, teaching did in fact help prepare me” but I’m always amazed when I see new ways that God has prepared each of us for our time here.  Today I was excited and encouraged to be able to share some of the wisdom I gained from long time teachers that poured into me, sharing ideas, thoughts, curriculum and having encouraging conversation in the process. 

Thankful for today! May the Lord be known and made great in Guatemala.